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 Post subject: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 2:30 pm 
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Oto Jonin
Oto Jonin
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Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 6:11 pm
Posts: 26
Name: Sayaka Uchiha
Age: 15
Gender: female
Height: 5'2" tall
Weight: 110 lbs
Rank: Jounin
Faction of Origin: Shinobi
Village: Kemuri
Bloodline/Clan: Uchiha
Restricted Loan Technique: Flying Thunder God Technique (WILD)
Appearance: Sayaka is petite, with full lips, long lashes, and long black shiny hair that she wears in a high ponytail. Her eyes are black. She fights in shorts and a leather tank top and wears tall boots. Her trusty sword is always at her hip.

History: Sayaka's parents were upstanding members of the Kemuri Uchiha clan. Her parents were both killed during the war with Konoha and now she lives on her own. She luckily is a very talented ninja and is able to support herself on her income as a jounin. Her grandmother was a fuinjutsu expert from the konoha Uchiha clan and taught her the flying thunder god technique before she was hunted down and killed for abandoning konoha. They were very close. Sayaka has a lot of resentment towards Konoha because of the war and killing her family. She blames them completely and hopes to avenge them one day.

As a genin, she was close to her team mates. They mainly stuck to safer missions at this point and learned a lot together. There was a bit of a love triangle that formed. She liked the other girl and so did the other guy. Nothing happened though because they were kids. She discovered that she had 2 elemental affinities during this time to. She thought this was awesome but some of the Uchiha elders don't like that she doesn't know how to use fire as that is what is expected.

After becoming chunin her teamates, one by one, each died off until she was all that was left of her team. The first time this happened she got her sharingan. The second helped awaken her number two tomoe. She has a lot of guilt about this and it drives her to be a little isolated and train a lot harder. She hasn't seen her team sensei in a while and doesn't know what happened to her. Probably went on a secret mission but Sayaka hopes to see her again one day.


Personality Traits: shy, impulsive, cute, determined, hopeless romantic
Theme Song: cake: short skirt long jacket
Chakra Color: purple
Nindo: forged through battle! quenched through love!
Character Preferences:
  • loves pocket pets of all kinds...really all animals
  • loves to eat cupcakes
  • loves to sleep in and take naps, but has bad dreams sometimes
  • naive, though hopefully she grows out of this!
  • bisexual cis-gendered female
Skills:
fuuinjutsu: novice
kenjutsu: adept
ninjutsu: expert
Sharingan: 2nd tomoe (150 cp)



Attributes:
  • Strength: proficient
  • Constitution: masterful
  • Stamina: masterful
  • Reflex: epic
  • Coordination: masterful
  • Wisdom: average
Elements: wind, water


Spent Character Points:7950
Active Character Points:7800
Unspent Character Points:50
Total Character Points:7850

Special Abilities:
  • stubborn: she can ignore up to 6 negative advantages 1 time per topic by spending 15 sp
  • Nimble Fingers: she can make 1 handed seals
Flaws:
  • awkardness: she treats her hand seal speed as one tier lower when forming making one handed seals
  • Might, Will, And Fate Points
    • Might: 1
    • Will: 2
    • Fate: 2


Last edited by Sayaka Uchiha on Tue May 21, 2019 4:23 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Sophia Uchiha
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 2:53 pm 
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Missing-nin S-rank
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Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:03 pm
Posts: 4665
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Uh, hi! You're posting from Kensho's IP. Before addressing the app, I'd really prefer to know if this is an alternate character, or what's going on there.

_________________
We are not brave
We are not wise
We stand at the end of the longest lines
But we stand here all together


Stats:
Str: Legendary
Con: Masterful
Sta: Legendary
Coo: Legendary (Godlike with Taijutsu)
Ref: Legendary (Godlike with Taijutsu)
Wis: Legendary (Godlike with Fuuinjutsu)

Skills:
Taijutsu Paragon
Fuuinjutsu Master
Ninjutsu Master
Ijutsu Adept

We have been damned
We have survived
We came back to homes we don't recognize
But we return here all together


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 Post subject: Re: Sophia Uchiha
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 5:34 pm 
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Missing-nin S-rank
Missing-nin S-rank
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Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:03 pm
Posts: 4665
Fame: 0
I received an explanation for your IP issue, and until I have reason to suspect otherwise, we can go with that. I'll go through the app with you, my suggestions will be highlighted in red.
Quote:
Name: Sophia Uchiha Your name is not in-theme. Consider something like Sachiko, Sayaka, Shiori, Shiho, etc. This, unlike some of my other suggestions, is non-negotiable.
Age: 13 <- This is quite young, especially for a Jounin! I'd probably move this up to 16 or 17 (which is still young). It's not required, but it will help your character be a little more believable.
Gender: girl <- Just for the sake of uniformity, this should be "Female".
Height: 5 feet tall If you plan on changing age due to my suggestion, you might also change this, as well as weight.
Weight: 98 lbs
Rank: Jounin <- There is nothing wrong with this, however your country is currently at war and you are very new to our mechanics. You will be expected to fight at the level of a Jounin and may experience some topics in which character death can occur. Be mindful of the risk!
Faction of Origin: Shinobi
Village: Kemuri
Bloodline/Clan: Uchiha
Restricted Loan Technique: Flying Thunder God Technique (status) <- This is a Technique, not a Status, but it would be going into your Wild Slot.
Appearance: Sophia is petite, with full lips, long lashes, and long black shiny hair that she wears in a high ponytail. Her eyes are blue like the sky. She fights in shorts and a leather tank top and wears tall boots.

I'd stay away from making a blue-eyed Uchiha *cough*.

History: Sophia's parents and family were all killed during the war with Konoha and now she lives on her own. She luckily is a very talented ninja and is able to support herself on her income as a jonin. Her grandmother was a fuinjutsu expert and taught her the flying thunder god technique before she died to old age.

Your history is very bare-bones for a Jounin. You could describe your Genin years, your Chuunin Exams, your Jounin promotion, etc. You could also explain how and why your grandmother got the Flying Thunder God to begin with, since its origins are in Konoha. There's a lot to expand on, here.

Personality Traits: shy, impulsive, cute, determined, hopeless romantic
Theme Song: cake: short skirt long jacket
Chakra Color: purple
Nindo: forged through battle! quenched through love!
Character Preferences:
  • loves pocket pets of all kinds...really all animals
  • loves to eat cupcakes
  • loves to sleep in and take naps, but has bad dreams sometimes
  • naive, though hopefully she grows out of this!
  • bisexual cis-gendered female
Skills:
fuuinjutsu: novice
kenjutsu: novice
ninjutsu: adept
ijutsu: adept
kuchiyose: adept

None of your skills are at a level a Jounin might be expected to have. I would consider paring your skill choices down to just a couple, for now, and raising their level. My suggestions would involve lowering your Reflex, losing one element and Kuchiyose, and raising your Fuuinjutsu and Kenjutsu some. Again, this is not required, but it will make your character more believable to others and probably help others form IC opinions more favorably.

Sharingan: 2nd tomoe (150 cp)



Attributes:
  • Strength: proficient
  • Constitution: masterful
  • Stamina: masterful
  • Reflex: epic
  • Coordination: masterful
  • Wisdom: average
Elements: wind, water


attributes 5700
skills 800
elements 1000
bloodline 350 (including 2nd tomoe)
Spent Character Points:7850
Active Character Points:7700
Unspent Character Points:150
Total Character Points:8000

Special Abilities:
  • stubborn: sophia can ignore up to 6 negative advantages 1 time per topic by spending 15 sp
  • Nimble Fingers: sophia can make 1 handed seals
  • Mortal Kombat: When in a serious fight for life or death (worthy of a 30 cp post) Sophia gets an extra 2 cp per post as this is when she hones her abilities best!
  • pretty: sophia always look beatiful and her body repels dirt. she never needs to shave or use deodorant and is always well groomed.
Flaws:
  • awkardness: sophia treats her reflexes as one tier lower for the purposes of seal speed formation when performing 1 handed seals.
  • Good For the Goose: The passion and creativity Sophia brings to any fight that would qualify for her "mortal combat" ability likewise inspires her foes, granting them an additional 2 cp per post.
  • jealous: the first time girls meet sophia they tend to be jealous of her style and looks. <- This isn't an acceptable flaw. It forces other characters to react a certain way, also known as "bunnying" or "godmodding".

    Might, Will, And Fate Points
    • Might: 1
    • Will: 1
    • Fate: 2
I hope this helps!

_________________
We are not brave
We are not wise
We stand at the end of the longest lines
But we stand here all together


Stats:
Str: Legendary
Con: Masterful
Sta: Legendary
Coo: Legendary (Godlike with Taijutsu)
Ref: Legendary (Godlike with Taijutsu)
Wis: Legendary (Godlike with Fuuinjutsu)

Skills:
Taijutsu Paragon
Fuuinjutsu Master
Ninjutsu Master
Ijutsu Adept

We have been damned
We have survived
We came back to homes we don't recognize
But we return here all together


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 9:09 pm 
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Oto Jonin
Oto Jonin
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Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 6:11 pm
Posts: 26
Oof! There were a lot of problems! I think I fixed them all. Thank you for helping and sorry about the IP confusion. Is this better? Is the history enough now? That's the part I'm struggling with the most.


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 2:04 am 
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Konoha Jonin
Konoha Jonin
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Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:56 am
Posts: 2005
Infamy: 0
Jutsu List: memes
Location: Konoha
Hi there, as a Jounin you have 1 extra mfw point that you may allocate (for 5 total instead of 4).

So I doublechecked your CP stuff and I came out on 8000/8000 CP spend, this is excluding the CP cost for your sharingan levels. Being part of a bloodline costs 200 ACP. Basically, you have no CP left to invest in your Sharingan. I'd propose to remove the minor advantage in strength to regain 200 CP and spend that on the leveling of your sharingan (which would then leave you with 50CP) or alternatively approve the character as is (without the unlocked Sharingan) and allow you to unlock it ic'ly. Though that might require you to change your history a tad bit. I'd personally recommend the former. Also, keep in mind, CP expenditure to level up your Sharingan does not account for your active character points. The only thing that accounts for your ACP is the 200 bloodline tax you must pay.

This is the sheet if you're curious to my findings: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/ ... sp=sharing

And a minor thing, "Good For the Goose" is not exactly a flaw. I'd suggest that you gain 2 less cp in spars.

_________________
Image

Cool info stuff found below:

Image
Welcome, human! Below you'll find my statistics, enjoy your stay..

Attributes:

Strength: Average
Constitution: Average
Stamina: Masterful
Coordination: Average Minor
Reflexes: Proficient
Wisdom: Proficient

Fighting Styles:

Ninjutsu Specialist
Sensory Major

Elements:
Mokuton
Suiton
Doton


Spent Character Points: 5000
Unspent Character Points: 0
Active Character Points: 5000


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 2:34 pm 
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Oto Jonin
Oto Jonin
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Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 6:11 pm
Posts: 26
oops must have messed up the math when I made the earlier changes! Does this look better?


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 3:28 pm 
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Kiri Chunin
Kiri Chunin
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Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2010 12:02 am
Posts: 6431
Your math is looking good now, just one small correction. Your Total Character Points (TCP) is always equal to your Active Character Points (ACP) plus your Unspent Character Points (UCP). Because your ACP is 7800 and your UCP is 50, that would make your TCP 7850.

For your flaw, Awkwardness, I would like to ask that it take a tier off of your Handseal Speed, not just your Reflex. Because Handseal Speed is governed by an average of your Reflex and your Coordination, only dropping one of the components only gives half of the tier drop.

_________________
Image
Character Info:
Name: Taiyō Hozuki
Age/Height/Weight: 15, 5'5, 105 lb.
Rank: Genin of Kirigakure

Stats:
Strength: Average
Constitution: Proficient
Stamina: Masterful
Agility: Proficient
Dexterity: Epic
Wisdom: Masterful

Fighting Styles:
Genjutsu Specialist
Kugutsu Specialist
Fuinjutsu Novice
Kuchiyose Adept


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 4:23 pm 
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Oto Jonin
Oto Jonin
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Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 6:11 pm
Posts: 26
thanks, like this?


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 7:45 pm 
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Konoha Jonin
Konoha Jonin
User avatar

Joined: Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:56 am
Posts: 2005
Infamy: 0
Jutsu List: memes
Location: Konoha
Quote:
Name: Sayaka Uchiha
Age: 15
Gender: female
Height: 5'2" tall
Weight: 110 lbs
Rank: Jounin
Faction of Origin: Shinobi
Village: Kemuri
Bloodline/Clan: Uchiha
Restricted Loan Technique: Flying Thunder God Technique (WILD)
Appearance: Sayaka is petite, with full lips, long lashes, and long black shiny hair that she wears in a high ponytail. Her eyes are black. She fights in shorts and a leather tank top and wears tall boots. Her trusty sword is always at her hip.

History: Sayaka's parents were upstanding members of the Kemuri Uchiha clan. Her parents were both killed during the war with Konoha and now she lives on her own. She luckily is a very talented ninja and is able to support herself on her income as a jounin. Her grandmother was a fuinjutsu expert from the konoha Uchiha clan and taught her the flying thunder god technique before she was hunted down and killed for abandoning konoha. They were very close. Sayaka has a lot of resentment towards Konoha because of the war and killing her family. She blames them completely and hopes to avenge them one day.

As a genin, she was close to her team mates. They mainly stuck to safer missions at this point and learned a lot together. There was a bit of a love triangle that formed. She liked the other girl and so did the other guy. Nothing happened though because they were kids. She discovered that she had 2 elemental affinities during this time to. She thought this was awesome but some of the Uchiha elders don't like that she doesn't know how to use fire as that is what is expected.

After becoming chunin her teamates, one by one, each died off until she was all that was left of her team. The first time this happened she got her sharingan. The second helped awaken her number two tomoe. She has a lot of guilt about this and it drives her to be a little isolated and train a lot harder. She hasn't seen her team sensei in a while and doesn't know what happened to her. Probably went on a secret mission but Sayaka hopes to see her again one day.


Personality Traits: shy, impulsive, cute, determined, hopeless romantic
Theme Song: cake: short skirt long jacket
Chakra Color: purple
Nindo: forged through battle! quenched through love!
Character Preferences:
  • loves pocket pets of all kinds...really all animals
  • loves to eat cupcakes
  • loves to sleep in and take naps, but has bad dreams sometimes
  • naive, though hopefully she grows out of this!
  • bisexual cis-gendered female
Skills:
fuuinjutsu: novice
kenjutsu: adept
ninjutsu: expert
Sharingan: 2nd tomoe (150 cp)



Attributes:
  • Strength: proficient
  • Constitution: masterful
  • Stamina: masterful
  • Reflex: epic
  • Coordination: masterful
  • Wisdom: average
Elements: wind, water


Spent Character Points:7950
Active Character Points:7800
Unspent Character Points:50
Total Character Points:7850

Special Abilities:
  • stubborn: she can ignore up to 6 negative advantages 1 time per topic by spending 15 sp
  • Nimble Fingers: she can make 1 handed seals
Flaws:
  • awkardness: she treats her hand seal speed as one tier lower when forming making one handed seals
  • Might, Will, And Fate Points
    • Might: 1
    • Will: 2
    • Fate: 2
Spent CP should be 7950, edited that part for you since It's no biggie, the profile looks good now. Approved and welcome to the board!

_________________
Image

Cool info stuff found below:

Image
Welcome, human! Below you'll find my statistics, enjoy your stay..

Attributes:

Strength: Average
Constitution: Average
Stamina: Masterful
Coordination: Average Minor
Reflexes: Proficient
Wisdom: Proficient

Fighting Styles:

Ninjutsu Specialist
Sensory Major

Elements:
Mokuton
Suiton
Doton


Spent Character Points: 5000
Unspent Character Points: 0
Active Character Points: 5000


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 Post subject: Re: Sayaka Uchiha
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 8:07 pm 
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Oto Jonin
Oto Jonin
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 10, 2019 6:11 pm
Posts: 26
whew! thank you!


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